maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize