Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
