I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
