I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
