Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
