It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
