Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
