sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
