Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
