don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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