I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
