found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
