he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
