tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
