i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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