That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
