You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
