he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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