So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
