It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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