He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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