well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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