I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
