We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
