Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
