I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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