Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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