R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize