Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
