I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
