Already got asked if we're dating
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
