Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
