It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
