I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
