I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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