so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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