just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
