She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
