i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
