hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Text me some of your sweat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
