you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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