new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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