So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
