Betty ford says i'm here all night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
