oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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