He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
