She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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