i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize