just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
