just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
