Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
