Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
