the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
