hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize