proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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