life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize