i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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