You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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