Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
