They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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