Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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