My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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