i was born a porn star she said
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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