You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
