I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
