She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
