I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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