It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize