They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
