Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
