Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
