he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
